"The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same" and "Seeing is Believing"

Two over-used cliches...I know...but read on and it will make sense why I decided to use them for a title. It has been almost a month since my last post -- my apologies. I'll summarize as simply as possible. I'm wordy, as you know already if you are reading this, so please be patient because "simply" means you'll have something to read during your entire lunch hour.

Yesterday I went for a 4 mile run after work. As I ran, I remembered my training experience in 05, when I trained along the same route, against the same DC skyline, along the same dirty Potomac River, listening to many of the same songs that inspired me two years ago.

As I ran past the Kennedy Center along the river, I found myself looking for my landmark of old -- an abandoned and rusted grocery cart in the water which was home to a turtle, though I only spotted the turtle a few times. I looked forward to seeing it each time I ran by. The cart was fully visible when the tide was low. When the tide was high, I could spot the handle of the grocery cart sticking out of the water. Whatever the purpose of the cart before it ended up in the Potomac was irrelevant. It was my own personal landmark that signified I had made it to the hardest part of my journey - the half mile stretch across the Memorial Bridge into Virginia.

As I rounded past the spot where I remembered the cart to be, where I was just about 2 miles into my run, and I hit my stride. My heart pumped hard and I could feel the sweat dripping down my knees. My KNEES!! I was moving at a smooth pace, and I felt great. I was about ½ mile from the bridge.

I couldn’t find the cart, and with the realization of its absence came a kind of discomfort that scared me – I started to think I had missed it or made a wrong turn or wasn’t looking hard enough. It sounds so goofy to say this about a stupid rusty shopping cart but I panicked when I didn’t see it. My familiarity with that trail had been tampered. And along with it, my confidence.

My first reaction, one instinctual to fear in all of us from childhood, was to turn around and go home. My second, which involved some self motivation, kept me going, allbiet at a slower pace. I made sure I “saw” the end of the bridge, cart or no cart. I was going to finish this run the way I had intended to finish.

I’ve said it many times, these things sound absolutely absurd, as do so many of the thoughts I have during my runs. It is a wonder I actually share the insanity with anyone, and I am thinking you might be a little strange if you haven’t lost interest already.

I came upon the part of the Rock Creek Parkway that turns into Ohio Drive, a U shaped turnaround about 100 feet long that offers an overlook to the Potomac at its most shallow spot. It is kind of a gross sight – a part of the river exposing more trash and gunk than you could imagine – sometimes I expect to see dead bodies there- and I wondered as I ran past why on Earth someone would think of such a place to put a “scenic” overlook.

But, it was here, among the countless pieces of other trash I found the cart. It was turned on its side, in about 2 feet of water, front wheel missing, and seaweed (or some river funk) carelessly caressing its once metal grid-like side. Ah. I found my security blanket, and decided to run across the bridge into Virginia. . I picked up my pace and finished my run in record time.

My run back was only notable because I realized that there was in fact no grocery cart in the river. There was nothing to suggest I had made a mistake – a bunch of trash and a few appliances, but no grocery cart. Whatever image I had created in my head was exactly that – in my head. It made me realize that in fact seeing IS believing, and I was subtly reminded me at that quarter mile stretch, don’t stop.

Why write about a stupid grocery cart on a trail I ran a hundred times two years ago? The experience paralleled (on a much smaller scale) the experience of those who I am running for in this marathon - those who have used every bit of strength in them to fight to live. All of the people mentioned at the beginning of this blog have made a commitment to see their own metaphorical cart that has helped or is helping them cross their next bridge. Seeing is Believing, so Don’t Stop.

I decided not to include the entire song for fear that some of you still have misgivings about the season finale of the Sopranos. And I know we’ve all heard it so many times. BUT, there is one stanza that gets me every time, take it or leave it. It hit me especially hard as I “found” my cart:

Working hard to get my fill, everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice, just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on
Don't stop believin' Hold on to the feelin'